Confusion
by Lost Lantean
Summary: After project Open Mind Aelita wasn't sure how to address the confusion left in her heart. Jeremy was self-conscious and shy to an extreme degree. Odd was confident and flirty to the same degree. OxAxJ


A/N: This takes place after the episode Replika.

((((()))))

Aelita sighed as she dropped heavily into the chair at her desk and hit the power button on her computer. As it whirred to life she started at the screen, waiting until the system had finished booting to connect to Lyoko. No surprise, Jeremy was already on and had been for quite some time. She thought about yesterday, about what Odd had called 'project open mind' and felt her mood fall further. It might as well have been called operation 'let's torture Jeremy and enjoy his screams of agony' for all it had accomplished. Not that Odd cared.

'Jeremy will get over it, after all you're not his property.' Odd liked that statement, believing it absolved him of any wrongdoing, and had repeated it a couple of times already today. But it didn't and she knew it, she could feel it with practically every breath she took. The other night she had laughed in Jeremy's face along with Odd. She hadn't considered how much that stupid plan would hurt Jeremy. It was supposed to be a prank, a meaningless distraction to run off Nicholas and Herb. Instead it spilled over into something that was more painful and more confusing than she had ever expected.

A knock at the door, strong and insistent, made her cringe as it pulled her from her own thoughts. It was most likely Yumi coming to call and while she hoped Yumi would help her clear up some of the confusion in her own mind, she knew the older girl was not in a good mood. In fact, as she got up to answer the door, she realized that her poor mood had started on the walk back to campus. It had grown worse as Odd flirted and she flirted back without even a thought for Jeremy's feelings. Grasping the handle to her door she braced herself to be yelled at by her older, adoptive sibling knowing full well that she deserved it.

Yumi stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind her before allowing the pink haired girl to lead the way deeper into the room. Choosing to remain standing as Aelita sat down on her bed, she looked over the trembling girl and her harsh expression softened just a little. But that didn't take any of the hardness out of her voice as she said "you and Odd owe Jeremy an apology for yesterday and earlier today." Yumi shook her head to indicate that she wasn't done yet. Her stern voice gaining a strong note of disapproval, "he didn't deserve to be laughed at and made fun of." Her voice now laced with disappointment she continued, "and you could have been a lot more respectful of his feelings today."

Watching as Aelita hung her head, Yumi felt a measure of satisfaction in knowing the younger girl did feel remorse. She knew Odd didn't care at all about Jeremy's feelings and wouldn't until something forced to really see what he had done or it came back to bite him in the ass so she had settled for yelling at him, demanding an apology for Jeremy and leaving before he could really provoke her anger. Aelita looked back up at her and there was a wavering defensiveness along with the sadness and confusion in her eyes.

"I know Yumi, I do... But Odd was so much fun after our kiss and... Jeremy's..."

"Shy?" Yumi filled in the silence. "Unsure of himself?" Yumi frowned and added "worried sick about all of us."

"Overprotective, uncaring, selfish jerk." Aelita answered half-heartedly and with a huge measure of guilt. It was true and yet she knew it was about as unfair a characterization as she could possibly come up with. A look at Yumi's face told her that was the wrong answer.

"What about you?" Yumi demanded. "XANA is a threat to the world because we are trying to save you. You are the one who wants her father back. You need reams worth of fake paperwork to stay at Kadic, you need a huge amount of cash to live here, we all need a way to keep up with XANA. The entity that will kill all of us for protecting you. The entity that only your... whatever it is in you that Lyoko accepts, can stop temporarily. The entity we all expect Jeremy to defeat before we lose someone."

Aelita let her head drop again as she considered Yumi's harsh but all too true words. How many times would another two seconds of delay have been fatal? How many times was it Jeremy's tireless effort that had saved the day? How many bad grades, and missed days and fights with parents did her fight cause everyone? Tears blurred her vision as she considered the burden she was on her friends, especially on Jeremy.

"Look Aelita, I'm not trying to be mean," Yumi said gently as she sat down on the bed. "You aren't wrong about Jeremy but at the same time you aren't right. Jeremy's barely even fourteen years old yet he's been your father, your guardian, your provider, your best friend, our leader, our tech expert, and our strategist since the beginning of our fight for you." Getting up from Aelita's bed, Yumi glanced at the clock, it was almost time for her to be heading home. "None of that gives him the right to your heart or your body and if it's really Odd that you want then go for it, you get to decide who you want to be with and it's really something that only you can decide. But Aelita, whatever your feelings; Jeremy has earned more than being tossed aside like so much garbage and he deserves an apology. Now I've got to go, but you can call me if you need to continue this discussion."

The pink haired teen watched as Yumi left and considered Yumi's words. She already knew Jeremy needed an apology. She wasn't sure how to address the confusion left in her heart though. Jeremy was self-conscious and shy to an extreme degree. Odd was confident and flirty to the same degree. Odd always seemed to have time for everyone. Jeremy almost never had time for anything.

But that was because Jeremy was working himself to death. First to materialize her, then to find an antivirus, then to find her father and to track XANA on the internet while finding a way to fight XANA there and to get around the security that prevented direct access to sector five when XANA was trying to destroy Lyoko. Yumi was right about everything that was expected of him, about all the roles he was trying to fill at once.

But Odd was a good friend to her and she wanted to defend him. After all it had been Odd that showed her a larger view of life and re-kindled her love of music. But Odd really did have it easy. While Jeremy frantically hammered out programs to save the lives of his friends Odd got to go to the cafeteria and gorge himself. And what was he doing while she was stuck on Lyoko and Jeremy was working on getting her out? Dating every other girl in school. He had helped her find evidence that her father was still alive but after that he hadn't lifted a finger to help Jeremy actually rescue him.

She could hear Odd's voice demanding to know what else he was supposed to be doing, that he couldn't program and didn't understand the operation of the supercomputer. He would remind her that Jeremy hadn't wanted to go look for her father at first. That Jeremy sometimes didn't have the time to listen to her even when there was no emergency. He would point out that Jeremy would be too jealous to teach him anything about programming for Lyoko so he could help.

But the counter-argument was simplistic. He had almost no tolerance for anything that wasn't an adrenalin rush and wouldn't have been willing to devote hours and days of his time even if she was the one teaching. He didn't even take his responsibility during a XANA attack seriously most times. He preferred to show off, goof around and if he got devirtualized well, Yumi and Ulrich were there. And of course Jeremy could go to Lyoko himself.

That he wouldn't was a problem. He was never the one to save her there, too scared of the scanners to try on all but the most dire situations. Or the one time they had fought and he tried to apologize. A feeling of warmth washed over her at the memory of that day, when she had felt his emotions. What she had felt from him that day eclipsed anything but the surge of feelings she felt on the day she had kissed him.

Odd's kiss had felt good, but it was missing some critical ingredient. For all of Odd's experience with romance he couldn't recreate the feeling of Jeremy frozen in her arms, her lips pressed to his. By comparison, Odd's kiss felt selfish. Like he was only in it for his own enjoyment. Given his history with women that shouldn't have come as a surprise. There was no way he could know that every single girl on campus wasn't right for him in under two weeks of dating. But it was enough time to see that they weren't going to allow themselves to be used as his plaything.

Jeremy on the other hand would never consider using someone like that. Granted it didn't mean he was the most sensitive of people. It was fair to say there were times he treated her more as a science project than a person. Yet when they were working together on projects they were equals, almost seeming to share their minds as they worked so completely in sync. There were times on Lyoko where it seemed like she and Odd had worked together the same way. When it came to Odd being caring though, he was just as bad as Jeremy. The biggest difference was that while Odd didn't care about hurting people until after he'd done it, he knew enough to know better if he wanted to put some thought into his actions. Jeremy on the other had was sometimes completely clueless and other times pre-occupied with the fight against XANA, finding her father, making sure her identity was complete and secure, or making sure she was provided for.

The sound of Jim calling for lights out jarred her from her thoughts. As she got up she looked around her room and while walking over to the light switch she couldn't help but wonder how much longer she could go on comparing and contrasting Jeremy and Odd. Both had their good points and both had their flaws. But she couldn't ignore the realization that it was still Jeremy she would call out to rescue her no matter the situation. And it was still Jeremy who's attention she craved.

But she couldn't deny some attraction to Odd. He shrugged off any semblance responsibility or risk and it helped her do the same. Compared to living with a constant reminder of the burden she was to the others it was bliss. But it wasn't really fulfilling either. No matter how much fun she had with Odd it seemed empty at the end of the day. The times she could get Jeremy away from the computer always seemed much more satisfying. Only music provided an exception to that rule.

A hobby that Jeremy had initially scoffed at as a waste of time. She felt a flash of anger at the memory then got a burst of happiness as she recalled Chris telling her that Jeremy had indeed given her the demo CD. A slight smile as she recalled that Jeremy had let her out of his course on the basics of using the supercomputer so she could attend the audition.

She changed into her pajamas after her eyes adjusted to the newly darkened room before climbing back into bed. But she couldn't get to sleep, and continued debating her relationship with Jeremy and Odd. Jim's bellowed commands reminding her of the times Jeremy had been commanding, ordering his friends around like they were his minions. Odd would tell her Jeremy was a controlling jerk. But she realized something, parents and leaders didn't always have the luxury of being kind and relaxed.

Jeremy's voice in her head pointed out Odd's love of exploiting his friends issues for his own amusement. The way he always poked at her and Jeremy's shyness for a laugh. How completely disrespectful he had been of Yumi's privacy and dignity when he had accidently switched bodies with her. The thought made her shiver with disgust. She thought back to Odd's flirting now and wondered if she was anything more than an easy mark to him. She couldn't say no but she couldn't say yes either. What she could say was that she trusted Jeremy more than Odd and in the quiet moments alone she felt more comfortable with him than with Odd.

And three points in Jeremy's favor convinced her. She got up and moved to her desk, shutting down the computer she had forgotten about and gathering both her room key and the copy of Jeremy's that she had in case of emergency. As she snuck down the halls a worrisome thought seemed to haunt her. Would he want her back after the way she and Odd had crushed his heart. The fear persisted and strengthened until she was shaking and had to use both hands to get the key into his door.

Jeremy swiveled in his chair as Aelita let herself into his room and approached. After the past day he had tried to prepare himself for this moment. He knew he had to let Aelita go no matter how hard it was going to be. "Aelita... I'm sorry for."

She interrupted, "I'm the one who needs to apologize Jeremy." Ignoring the shock on his face she continued, "I didn't realize how much Odd's plan would hurt you and... There's no excuse for laughing at you like I did and no excuse for letting Odd get away with it either. So I'm sorry and I'll..." She choked back her emotion and continued though it sounded like she was on the verge of crying. "I'll take over all of your work if you want out, it's my fight anyway, not yours."

Jeremy got up out his chair and pulled the shaking girl into his arms. Surprised both at his boldness in doing that and the ease with which he was forgiving her. But then there was little he would hold against her, especially when she was crying. "Aelita... I promised you we would defeat XANA together and I'll keep that promise. But promise me something... If you don't like me."

Aelita cut him off, wrapping her arms around him and brushing her lips against his cheek. "I... I don't want to lose you, I..." _Come on Aelita, spit it out_. "I... you're my best friend and..." _Coward_ she thought to herself. She could feel Jeremy's mood collapsing, he was taking this as a goodbye and it wasn't what she wanted at all. She needed to salvage this situation and couldn't force out an I love you. "I wouldn't feel comfortable alone in the factory at night with Odd. I wouldn't sneak Odd up to my room for a midnight hug. But you're different and..."

Jeremy's mind reeled as he processed the revelation. Slowly he tightened his hug, blood rushing to his cheeks as he did so. He still didn't understand how he could possibly be that guy for Aelita but at the moment that didn't matter. What did was that she was here and trying to apologize for hurting him. What mattered more was that it sounded like she had feelings for him.

"If I could do it again, it would be you I kissed in the elevator." To add emphasis she snuggled against Jeremy's chest, enjoying the closeness of the moment and feeling just a little closer to that moment when they had shared each other's consciousness within Lyoko.

Jeremy stood shocked to hear that and amazed at the feeling of her snuggling against him, seemingly content and comfortable. He knew this moment would have to end. That he'd have to go back to Lyoko and all its troubles because if he didn't there would come a day when times like this were impossible to share because they'd all be dead. But right now he easily swept those thoughts aside and let himself enjoy the moment. He put his head against hers and whispered, "you're forgiven... let me hold you a while longer?"

Aelita smiled, tasting the salt in her tears. "I'd like that."

((((()))))

A/N 2: This may actually be the fairest I've ever been to Odd in a triangle fic.

CW: Did you try pulling out the battery on your iLita for a couple of minutes then putting it back? Lack of power sometimes does wonders for electronics.


End file.
